Realizations...

Today I realized I don't need a new life. I just need to change one thing at a time. Seriously? It has taken me this long to figure that out? Also, it has been brought to my attention that tracking my food is a means to an end. Having a perfect food log is not my actual goal. It is a tool to changing my life. Somehow that has taken the pressure off having it perfectly filled out.

I have a trainer now. Her name is Jill and I absolutely love her. She is always postive. (One of the other things I have discovered about myself is- negative feedback does not get me anywhere. But positive feed back keeps me motivated. When I get negative feedback in a positive way, I can keep going. I know it might sound kinda stupid but it really does work. I learned this from my daughter's Suzuki training. They tell the kids 3 good things they did well and then tell them, if they want to make it better next time try doing this or that!... It works on me too!) My trainer has challenged her clients from Dec 12- Feb 12 to stay on track. All the positive things we do we get points for. We each paid $10 to join and if you win you win money! Why is money such a great motivator? Well so far I am doing well. My arms are very sore from all the wall pushups I am doing, and my abs are getting stronger. I feel as if I am getting stronger from the worouts. I look forward to going to her for awhile. I hope I can financially keep up with 3 times a week.

I learned in my Weight Watchers meeting of another member who posts on her FB page www (what went well) each day. I think this is a fabulous idea...here is mine for the past 3 days.
1. I drank a smoothie Christmas ever 2 hours before going to dinner.
2. I did not go back for seconds at the Christmas eve dinner or Christmas dinner.
3. I realized I have been eating to much salt and could really feel the blotting in my body.
4. I did a killer trampoline workout Thursday. I might keep that one up. It brings back a lot of emotional stuff, but it might be good to fight through that.

On the the last week of the year...here's to learning more about myself and digger deeper to learn what makes me tick.

Transformation is Happening!

Yes, things are a changing!

I am amazing

What if instead of saying "I want to be amazing" I say " I am amazing"?

This is hard for me. Other people say this about me...but, I don't believe them. And, why is that? I believe them at other times? When they tell me what a gig-a-bit is, what they had for lunch, how they felt after a play? I believe what they say at all other times...but not when they say nice things about me? I know I would believe them if they said mean things about me...but why not the nice things? Really?

Ok..I need to get back to my mantra...Challenge for the week..say mantra at least 5 times a day...and especially when I am down on myself.
"I am beautiful, sexy, confident and secure."

There it is.

Goals?

I have had a friend in town for almost a month. Yesterday I took her to the airport and it was a bit sad for me. She is considering moving here to Denver, I hope she decides to take the leap.

This amazing woman asked me to work out while here. I drug my feet until her last week here. I finally found a trainer for us to work out with. We went 3 times while she was here. The training was amazing and I felt like I could really work with her. Although my friend has left I am going back for another session. We shall see how it goes tomorrow.

My body really hurts lately.

Within 3 days I had different people ask me very hard questions.
1. What are your fitness goals?
2. What do you want our family meals to be, how are we going to make them and what does all that look like?
3. What do you want to do about a specific relationship. (I am going to leave names out for now.)

They sorta threw me for a loop as I know if I had been asked one of these questions I would have had the time to think about it and start formulating a plan. But now I feel a little overwhelmed and trying not to eat my emotions.

Let me start with the first question.

1. What are your fitness goals?
I have always answered lose weight. I do realize that is a bit too general. I looked back at my original post and noticed that two of the items are goals. So here is my

Long term fitness goals-
1. To be able to sprint up stairs without being winded
2. To walk O to school without pain
3. To become certified as level 4 in the Suhaila format and in turn becoming a kick ass belly dancer

Short Term fitness goals
1. To move every day
2. Take a level 2 Suhaila class 3 times a week
3. To run known Suhaila Choreographies at least 3 times a week.
4. To get back to walking 14,000 steps a day.

We shall see how these go.

I still have to think about the food and the relationship.

I am looking forward to getting my dance floor cleared off and start working again.

Scared to Start

I just read my last post and I still feel like my original list is optimistic. Then as I read it again I notice that each one of those items is achievable. I think I laid out a good plan. I think I will work on following that plan. I am scared to death it will work. I am scared that I will change too much.

I need to get over my perfectionism. I will follow my therapists advice and work on the mantra this week "It is good enough" Hopefully with this mantra I will be able to unstick myself and move forward.

The month of July was a hard month for me. I struggled with my depression. Then this past week I decided I needed to get back to exercise...because that is one the key components to staying out of the blackness. I asked a friend to go with me to a training session. It was so wonderful to go with another woman who is also struggling with her weight and wants to lose a significant amount of weight. I felt so supported and I loved the female trainer. We will be going back again tomorrow. I hope this can kick start a routine for me.

So tomorrow is a new day.
I will track my food
I will use my mantra "It is good enough"
I will appreciate the love I am receiving.
I will love the one I am aching for.
I will face the fear and see what happens.

Desperately seeking Julianna, meet me in the kitchen for healthy eating.