New Year's Resolution

I don't usually make New Year's Resolutions, but this year I have decided to make one. It is to trust myself. To some this may seem easy, but for me it is extremely difficult and I always second guess my choices.

I made several decisions yesterday based on what I know about myself. One thing I was asked yesterday was "What is your weight loss goal this year?" I was blown away by this question. It started me thinking and I realized that has never worked for me. So right then I and there I trusted myself and told them I don't have a specific weight loss goal. You know the saying "by doing what you have always done, you will get what you have always gotten"? Well I have always said "I am going to lose 20 lbs by a specific date". I need to find another way to measure my success besides the scale or the tape measure. It can't be about the pounds lost for me. It has to be something else.

I have found that specific short challenges work for me. Right now I am doing a challenge that you get points for certain activities. it is through my trainer. Each person puts in $10 and who ever earns the most points by the end gets 1/2 the money, 2nd and 3rd place each get a quarter. So you get points for working out for 1 hour consecutively, 100 pushups, 200 sit ups..etc..But what is making this challenge extra exciting is the fact that my trainer adds extra challenges each week to get extra points. So it keeps it fresh!

I feel as if I need to find something that pushes me to stay that focused on what I am doing when it comes to food. I find the emotional baggage that comes with food is often overwhelming. I need to find a way to accomplish
1. Track Every day with out getting emotionally involved
2. Make better choices
3. Eat with purpose and knowledge.

I feel like I have finally found the right people to work with on this journey.
I found Suhaila, my dance mentor, first who said once "You have IT in you".
Michelle, my Weight Watchers leader, was next who keeps me motivated and tells us of her mistakes so I know I am not broken.
And now I have found Jill, my trainer, who is positive about my progress. And makes me laugh and feel comfortable in this body, knowing that it is changing.
I feel as if these 3 women are "in it" with me. They have all been where I am once, in the place of discovery and change.

Here is to a new year, a new body, a new mind and a new life.

I am amazing

What if instead of saying "I want to be amazing" I say " I am amazing"?

This is hard for me. Other people say this about me...but, I don't believe them. And, why is that? I believe them at other times? When they tell me what a gig-a-bit is, what they had for lunch, how they felt after a play? I believe what they say at all other times...but not when they say nice things about me? I know I would believe them if they said mean things about me...but why not the nice things? Really?

Ok..I need to get back to my mantra...Challenge for the week..say mantra at least 5 times a day...and especially when I am down on myself.
"I am beautiful, sexy, confident and secure."

There it is.