I have decided to start a blog that chronicles my struggle with finding myself. I will be 40 in January and have been working toward healing for about a year now. Postpartum Depression took a nasty hold on me after the birth of my daughter in 2006. It was not until 2009 night that my depression was making me feel desperate and I finally found a therapist to help me on this journey. I have found out so much about myself and am looking forward to finding out more about myself. I am ready to take on the big fight and really discover who I am and who I want to be. I am tired of sitting on the side lines and dreaming about being the "cool chic". I actually want to be the "cool chic". I want to have answers and I want to be confident. I have a mantra "I am beautiful, sexy, confident and secure". Now is time to believe it! For the first time in my life I can say I am happy. Truly happy. I can't believe I have never felt this way before. This happiness has to do with the face that I am discovering emotions that I never knew existed.

I have listed my goals below on where I am going. This blog will serve as my way to be honest with my progress and be accountable of my actions. There are several people in my life who inspire me greatly. Many names are fictitious in order to help preserve some privacy. I don't know who you are...the people reading my blog, but I appreciate your support in my efforts. I would appreciate supportive posts, and posts that call me out on my nuttiness.

My goals
1. Weight loss
a. Weight Watchers
1. To follow the plan
2. To attend 3 meetings a week
3. To be inspired
4. To inspire

b. Working out
1. To dedicate myself to my Suhaila work (Check Suhaila Studies)
2. To walk O to school regularly with out pain
3. To be able to sprint up stairs

c. Emotional eating
1. To notice when the eating is emotional
2. To work through the workbook "Life is Hard, Food is Easy"
3. To find a new way to deal with the emotions

d. To be 170 lbs lighter than I am today

2. Understanding and discovering my emotions
a. work with my therapist
1. To do my homework during the week instead of waiting
2. Learning how to be more proactive
3. Use the word "NO"

b. feeling my emotions
1. To learn about emotions
2. To feel my emotions

c. understanding where they come from and how to accept them
1. To be able to recognize my emotions
2. To understand the value in emotions

d. Understand how to stay calm
1. To not allow the emotions to control me
2. To work on my breathing techniques

3. Understanding who I am
a. As a mother
b. As a wife
c. As a daughter
d. As a Sister
e. As a friend

Desperately Seeking Julianna, meet me tomorrow morning in the dance studio for a Suhaila workout with your dance buddy.